To My Son -- On His Birthday

Today we are celebrating Carter's 9th year of life.

Oh the anticipation of a birthday!  As I was driving Carter and a friend home from basketball last night (the night before the big b-day), I could hear them talking in the back.  Carter was saying "When it's your birthday, do you get up early and open presents right away?  That's what we do...my whole family comes into my room and wakes me up by singing the birthday song and then we open presents in the living room."   How sweet is that?!?!  He mentioned the family singing the birthday song as an important part of whole story.  Obviously presents were a bigger part, but those little traditions mean more than we will ever know.

Early morning present opening. (So early, it's still dark out!)

So here's what I'd like to say to my little man as he turns 9 :

Dear Carter,

Nine years ago today was one of the best days of my life because it is the day that you entered this world and changed my life forever.

Thank you for being you!  Don't ever change who you are.  You are like no other being ever created.

Keep your curiosity.

Keep marveling at God's creation -- at spiders and snakes & monkeys and whales...

Keep your desire to learn more about this great world we live in.

Keep doing experiments.

Keep drawing.

Keep playing hard.

Keep shooting hoops.

Keep your boundless energy.

Keep being affectionate.

Keep your tender heart.

Keep laughing with your sisters.

Keep respecting others.

Believe that you can make a difference in this world.

Trust that you can tell me anything -- I will always listen.

Have faith that God has a plan for your life.

Know with all your being that you are a child of God - and nothing can separate you from His love.

I love you Carter -- so much!  There is not a day that goes by that I don't thank God for giving me and dad the gift of you!

Happy Birthday, my 9 year old boy!

Love, 

Your Mom

Sure...I'll buy.

It is high time I post a blog again for the simple reason that I need to get the fact that I am "losing it" off the top -- I think I've done another 5 brain dead things this week, but I'm not going to admit to them right now.  Very early on, as I started this blog, I admitted that I created it for the simple reason of being honest and hoping that I would find someone along the way who can relate, and tell me I'm doing O.K.  In reality, I'm finding people who say things like -- "I sure thought your "losing it" list was funny." To which I eagerly reply, "Because you can relate?"  And they say, "No! I've never done any of those things?"  Ayyyee!

Today, however, rather than admit to being a scatter brain.  I'll admit to being a sucker.  I am simply a sucker for people who come to my door selling things.  Sometimes it has worked out, other times...not so well.  I haven't always been this way -- I used to pride myself on being a tough cookie. "Who do these people think they are, wasting my time..."  But I have softened some over the years and it's probably for the best.  "Who do I think I am that these nice people don't deserve a chance to make a living?"  In the last year I have made the following purchases from someone ringing my doorbell:

1.  I bought Avon from the most "glowing from the inside" person I have ever met.  I would see this dear lady walking miles from my house -- always smiling and wondered what she was doing.  Then one day she came to my door selling Avon.  She was trying to establish herself, didn't have a car, and needed cash upfront for the sale before I received the product.  That should be a big red flag, but I decided to take the risk.  If this person needed the cash that bad and didn't return with my product, well I guess she really needed the money.  So I spent $20, hoping she would return with my product.  Not because I was desperate for lotion and bubble bath.  But because I wanted her to be the good person I took her for.  As she left she said "Can I give you a hug?  I hug all my customers.  God bless you!"  She did return with my products -- walked all the way to my house to deliver them.  God bless her!

2.  I bought meat from a guy selling shrinked wrapped frozen beef in many varieties and cuts. I must say I am quite the negotiator.  I talked him down to below half his starting price and got a freezer full of mediocre meat.

3.  I bought some bio-degradable household cleaner from a some salesman.  He had me sold on the product the minute he demonstrated how it could take Sharpie out of a piece of cloth.  (We've had more than our fair share of Sharpie accidents.)  He also began cleaning the mildew from my camper, but stopped after one brilliantly clean streak.  Again, I negotiated down from $40 a bottle, to $40 for two bottles, to $20 for one bottle.  Sold!  It is the kind of cleaner you dilute so I should be good for the next 10 years.  If you have a stain -- let me know!

4.  I bought a magazine from a very polite young man who was trying to better his life.  He was an orphan from Florida who was up in South Dakota on a 35 degree rainy day with some youth program trying to make something of himself.  He could earn points if I just bought a magazine and signed his sheet telling his supervisor how he did.  He let me know that if I didn't need a magazine for myself, I could buy one for the kids in his orphanage...perhaps they would be interested in Forbes, he suggested.  (Yes, by this point there were red flags EVERYWHERE.  First, orphanages no longer exist in the United States and second what child is going to want to read Forbes Magazine ?!?!?(the most expensive one, by the way)).  Well despite those red flags, I decided to chance it again, as I did with the Avon lady.  You just have to go out on a limb sometime and give people the benefit of the doubt.  I bought the Disney Magazine for $25.  The next day it was reported all over the local news about these magazine sales people who were a sham.  I was disappointed, not because I wasn't going to be receiving the Disney Magazine, but because he let me down!

5.  Today I spent 2 and a half hours on my one day off to listen to a Kirby salesman ONLY because there was the promise of a free carpet cleaning attached to it.  Somewhere along the line someone stopped at my front door and asked me to fill out a sweepstakes for free groceries which I, of course, did.  Somehow that turned into me winning a "free carpet cleaning".  (Yeah right!)  When they called to schedule the appointment I asked how long it would take, explaining that I only had one hour and wasn't going to buy a vaccuum.  He said "It will only take an hour and there is no sales pitch."   I believed him...What a mistake!  Eddie arrived today, and after a two hour demonstration which included being shown over and over exactly how nasty my carpets were, he breezed over my carpets with his shampooer and then I essentially kicked dear Eddie out the door.  He was nice and all, but my children were already waiting for me to pick them up from school.  I am happy to report that I didn't buy a vaccuum and my carpets are clean, but boy, did it cost me my time.

So here I sit...my skin is soft, I just ate a decent burger, my spots are removed, and my carpets are clean.  I'm not a total sucker....If only I could read a magazine!

Top 10 Signs I have too much on my mind OR I am seriously LOSING IT!

1.  Two separate times this week I needed to go to the post office to mail a package.  BOTH times I arrived at the counter, asked for a priority mail box and then had to admit that I had no idea what the address was for where  I was sending the package.   I had to get out of line -- call someone to find the address and then try again.

2.  I went to the grocery store to buy cottage cheese because I was actually going to cook and make Lasagna for dinner.  I became very distracted thinking about everything else I needed, including special snacks I wanted to make for our trip this weekend, and left the store without...Cottage Cheese!  We ended up eating Spaghetti O's and left overs.

3.  I brought Carter to basketball practice this week and decided to stay and watch him practice.  I told a friend that she didn't need to come back to pick up her son because I was staying and would be happy to bring him home.  You guessed it -- as we pulled onto our street I did a sudden gasp and Carter freaked "What's wrong?"..."We forgot Collin!!"  I quickly turn around -- call my friend and tell her "I am so sorry.  I didn't completely forget your son, I just a little bit forgot him, but I am on my way back to get him."  She said that the coach had just called wondering what was up.

4.  I had to pick  up Paige from church tonight and on my way there I all of a sudden snap out of it and realize that I am sitting at a stop sign waiting for it to turn green!!!

5.  I dialed my husband, Cal's, phone number and when he answers I say, "Hi Mark, this is Jen".  I totally intended to dial my co-worker, Mark.  Good thing Cal knows Mark.  And he is completely aware that I am losing it.

6.  I have 10 missed calls on my cell phone from my home phone because it is the only way I can find where I last misplaced it!

7.  We are leaving tomorrow for the weekend and I just now realized I have no idea what I am going to do with my dog.

8.  I sent an e-mail to a co-worker whose name is Michelle and started it out "Hi Trudi".  She e-mailed back "LOL.  You just called me Trudi." 

9.  I left work and couldn't find my car.  I re-traced all my steps and remembered thinking that it would be better parking in the back lot than the front lot because of the traffic -- so I was moments away from calling the police to report a stolen vehicle when I decided I might as well check the front lot, just in case, although I knew I had thought through parking in the back. Turns out that was actually my thought process from the day before.  My car was in the front.

10.  I know there was something else I forgot this week.  But I forgot what it was.

Thank goodness those who love me, bear with me!  I truly am out of control.

3 Minutes Plus 1

I'm missing my kids tonight....

I'm in Nashville by myself...Cal and I had a wonderful weekend here together, but now he left to go home and I'm still here.  I'm so jealous that he gets to kiss all their precious cheeks tonight when he gets home late and finds them sleeping in their beds.  I have to wait another 3 days.

I was just thinking about what I would be doing if I were home right now...I'd be going through that whole bedtime routine thing...that routine that often makes me crazy, but that tonight I miss...

It starts with the "bednight" snack.  (I realize that word doesn't even make any sense....it should be "bedtime" snack, but in our house its "bednight".)  This almost always consists of vanilla icecream from the gallon tub that probably contains more high fructose corn syrup than any dairy product and Hersey's chocolate syrup.  However, tonight they probably acutally did get to enjoy the expensive Breyer's All-Natural Vanilla Bean because I was having a healthy moment at the grocery store last week and splurged.  However, there seems to me to be something fundamentally wrong with putting Hersey's syrup on Breyer's natural vanilla bean...I'm not sure.

Then after snack, we move on to the pj's and brushing teeth stage of the night.  If I'm going to lose my cool, this is when it will happen.  Undoubtedly, there are 500 distractions between snack and jammies and for some reason I need to remind them what we are doing as many times over.

Then the part I am missing tonight -- tucking them all in.  For Taryn I still curl up in her bed and read a story.  Then we shut off the lights, sing her prayers, and then I lay by her "3 minutes plus 1".  "3 minutes plus 1" has become such a part of our ritual that I hardly remember when it started.  All I know is what started out as a way for me to negotiate how to keep her in bed and to maneuver my way out of her room is now a cherished part of my night. 

It started as, "Taryn you need to stay in bed. "
And  her saying "You need to lay by me".
"O.K. -- I'll lay by you for 1 minute"
"No 5 minutes"
"How about 3 minutes?"
"O.K.  3 minutes." . . .
"3 minutes is up"
"Just one more"

Until finally we didn't need this debate anymore -- It was just "Mommy, can you lay by me 3 minutes plus 1?"  And I knew it was easier to just roll with it.
Recently, there have been nights that I kissed her goodnight and walked right out her bedroom door.  A bit of my heart ached that she didn't ask for the "3 minutes plus 1."  I have seen Paige and Carter graduate to new bedtime routines and I'm not sure I'm ready for her to.

For Carter -- I still get to pull his covers up, sing prayers with him and give him a kiss.  He most often reads to himself now because it's the only time in his day to get his required school reading in.

For Paige -- if she isn't working on homework late, she reads for a while and then I still get to go in, pull up her covers and give her a kiss.  But we don't sing prayers anymore...now I just remind her -- "Don't forget to pray."

And tonight -- since I can't tuck them in personally -- I will tuck them in with my prayers for each of them. And I will find comfort in the words of Psalm 139:
3 You discern their going out and their lying down;
you are familiar with all their ways.
5 You hem them in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon them.

(Italicized words I changed from first person)

Grandma Minnie

This week we attended the funeral for Cal's 98-year-old Grandma Minnie.   

I didn't expect to cry....

We were ready for this day.  She had lived a long life, and during the last 15 years of her life she had severe memory loss.  She didn't really know anyone anymore.  It was a day to rejoice. A day to celebrate the life she lived.  There is joy in knowing she is now in heaven where her body and MIND have been restored.   

But I did...I cried.  How silly of me to think I wouldn't.  I cried out of appreciation for the legacy of faith she left behind.  MANY of her family were there.   While a number of her family members have proceeded her in death, she left behind a small village -- 4 children (1 proceeded her), 19 grandchildren, 43 great-grandchildren and six great-great grandchildren. (Who hears of that anymore?  Great-great grandchildren?)  Her daughter spoke of her mother's faith, her grand-daughter spoke of her grandma's faith, and her great-granddaughter sang praises to our Jesus.  The pastor recalled how on his visits with Minnie they would always conclude with the Lord's Prayer or Psalm 23 or the Apostles Creed.  And while she didn't remember much, those words always came back.  I pray that those promises are as deeply rooted in my heart and mind and that they are passed onto my children and eventual grandchildren.

As we stood around her gravesite -- I was struck by how ALL of our many lives exist as they do today because of her...one person.  And we all know Jesus.  I pictured her smiling at us all with her twinkling eyes.  How proud she would be to see us all gathered.  Thank you Grandma Minnie for the heritage you left for us.  Thank you God!

(While this is all very sentimental, I must also confess a typical "Jen Moment" at the cemetary.  We parked quite away back from the grave site and had to walk through the grass to get there.  I am, of course, wearing spiky open toed heals and so I am watching the ground very carefully so as not to trip or sink my heals into the earth. All of a sudden, a snake slithers right in front of my toes and I naturally yell out "Snake!".  I look up and everyone is looking at me -- I'm literally 5 feet from the tented area.  I had no idea I was that close or that loud.  Nice!)

Things That Made Me...

Below is a random assortment of things that I came across this week that struck me for one reason or another. I thought I would share them.

This made me....

...Laugh -- Have you ever spent time deliberating over a "holy" ending to an e-mail or letter? In my line of work...fundraising for a ministry...I've attempted many appropriate "holy" conclusions to letters. Maybe that's why I found this so funny...because for me it is sooo true! BooMama

This made me...

...Reminisce -- If you went to high school in the 80's, you must read this post from one of my favorite mommy blogs. Big Mama

This made me...

...Think of being a mom in a new way -- I know very little about this blog -- but this particular post struck a cord in me. Especially when she says, "As I drifted off, I felt her little hand on my tummy. She rubbed my stomach, much like I rub hers when she’s tired or sad to calm her, and I smiled with the realization that she’d been waiting for me to sleep, too. Her fingers fell into the deep grooves of the stretch marks 27 months of pregnancy have left on me and she paused. She backtracked slightly. She took the tip of her finger and began tracing the marks, the lines marking the roads on the map of our lives together. At that moment I realized something I’d not honestly grasped in 11 years of parenting; that I am hers. I am this thing, this pile of bones and skin that belongs to her. To them. That I am not just a 30 something girl with big hips covered in silvering tracks; I am an extension of three people, and I belong to them completely. And that, the giving over of myself to someone else, well…that is motherhood." On Motherhood

This made me...

...Excited -- I will admit that one of the things that gets me most excited is a good deal. I just bought a pair of boots for me and for my daughter from this website and then we got a third pair for FREE! There is also FREE shipping and we got 3 FREE lip glosses. Check it out http://www.wantedshoes.com/

My favorite quote for the week:

We will never know how much good just a simple smile can do. We tell people how kind, forgiving, and understanding God is, but are we the living proof? Mother Teresa

My favorite Bible verse for the week:

Psalm 34: 8-9

Taste and see that the Lord is good, blessed is the man who takes refuge in him. Fear the Lord, you his saints for those who fear him lack nothing.

Today

Recently, I stood in line at the post office fighting back tears. (You might think that this not such an abnormal thing considering how long you often have to wait in line.) However, I was fighting back tears because as I watched a toddler and her mother in front of me, I was struck with the realization that my days of little hands reaching up for me and little giggles as I nuzzled a neck were over. For more than a decade I have had a little one tagging along. A little one who asked questions, clung to my leg, chattered unceasingly, and yes, threw the occasional tantrum. Now...those "little ones" are all at school.

I think I must be overly emotional since my baby went off to Kindergarten because truthfully -- I think I'm O.K. with where we are at.

In the midst of those days with my little ones I heard over and over --" enjoy them while they last...they will be gone before you know it." I knew that to be true, and I did enjoy them, but in retrospect, I'm not sure I savored them as much as I wish I had. But isn't that always the case? Isn't that why people tell you to enjoy them...because they too wish they had enjoyed them more?

When I was living the days of cuddling and tummy zerberts, first steps and first words, trips to the zoo and lapsit at the library. I was also in the midst of spit up and ear infections, diapers and tantrums, potty training and sleepless nights. It's all just a blur. During those years, I struggled to complete a thought, let alone savor a moment. I didn't appreciate a cute conversation in the post office line because I still had to address the package, find the right box, & get frustrated over why the line wasn't moving faster so that I could complete my next 10 tasks. The never ending "Mommy, can I have some candy?" questions just didn't seem so cute. My perspective is quite different now as I witness just one adorable chubby cheeked snapshot of my past and not my reality.

Do I miss the precious moments of that time of our life? Yes. Do I want to go back to that time, I'm not so sure.

What I do know is this...I did those years to the best of my ability and I loved them. And now I have today. And today...I can actually complete a thought!

Today, I enjoy my sixth grade daughter immensely...our conversations, the new opportunities she has, and the activities we can do together as mother and daughter. I enjoy my 3rd grade son who still gives me a hug in front of all his friends in the cafeteria at school and marvels with me over how much milkweed our "pet" caterpillar can eat & digest, resulting in crazy amounts of poop. And I'm finding I have the time to savor every moment of Kindergarten with my baby. Taryn has the same teacher as both Carter and Paige and I love hearing her come home from school with the same stories they did. In fact, today was "purple day", she got to wear purple, color purple and learn the "purple song". We all sang it together at the top of our lungs on the drive home from school.

The Purple Song:
(Sung to the tune of Camptown Races)
P-U-R-P-L-E -- Purple, Purple. P-U-R-P-L-E Purple's what that spells. Purple grapes on the vine. Purple Kool-Aids fine. P-U-R-P-L-E Purple's what that spells.

Pretty catchy, huh?

It was a good moment, a good snapshot, one I took the time to savor.