Dearest Paige,
It was cloudy and gloomy as we left our second floor flat very early on that April Fools Day morning. You were still nestled securely within me, but they said it was time for you to come out...my blood pressure was too high. So we set off for the downtown Chicago hospital...dad and I, not knowing what to expect...not fully comprehending how much you would rock our world and our hearts. They started the medicine to induce my labor around 8am and then you didn't wait long...by noon you emerged into this world. And we were instantly in love!
How is it that the minute we looked at you, this fierce, overwhelming love engulfed us? You were ours. We were yours. Forever...
I remember driving home from the hospital down Lakeshore Drive. I didn't dare leave you in the backseat by yourself, or maybe it was that I just didn't want to take my eyes off of you...I loved you so much. So I sat next to you in the back holding your little fingers, while dad drove us home. I was in awe. You were so new, so beautiful, such a bright shining light in our lives. God had truly given us a gift. Because more than being ours, you are God's. He knew you first, He loved you first and in his infinite wisdom he gave you to us. I thank him daily for the gift of you.
And now you are 15. (I tear up just typing that). Our time is fleeting by. And I want you to know that you are still that beautiful bright light in our lives. Bringing us so much joy and love. Through the years you have challenged me and amazed me, frustrated me and melted my heart.
As I think of the 3 years that you have left under our roof before you go off to college, I have so many things I want to say to you.
I want to tell you that I love being your mom! You are one of my favorite people in the world. In these, your teenage years where we could be constantly at odds, for the most part, I think we get along. I think we "get" each other. I love how we can just have fun and banter back and forth. You make me laugh with your goofy and sporadic humor. I am thankful that you don't take yourself too seriously and yet take seriously what's important.
I want to tell you how glad I am that you talk to me and that I will ALWAYS be here to listen. Thank you for allowing me in so that together we can work through the drama-filled times in life. This freshman year hasn't necessarily been easy...a lot of growing and figuring out who you are. I didn't realize just how much I would personally feel every hurt you felt, every frustration you dealt with. I didn't realize how much I would want to step in and fix it all, knowing that I can't, knowing that some things you have to figure out on your own. And while you haven't always made perfect decisions or reacted in the perfect way...(neither have I!!!), you've been trying. You want to do it right.
I want to tell you that you can't do it right on your own, but the great thing is you don't have to. Left to our own power we could do nothing good, but God sent us the power of the Holy Spirit. Philippians 2:13 "for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose." Remember that...Know that God's power is at work in YOU, helping you...because we can't do this on our own.
I want to tell you that I'm learning too...learning how to balance this role of mother and friend. How to set guidelines and restrictions...how to hold you to high standards that maybe you don't want to hear...and yet truly be your confidant as well...someone you know you can trust to hear your side. I know I haven't done this perfectly. So I ask for a little grace...grace which I extend to you as well.
I want to tell you that I understand your struggle with wanting to please everyone and make sure everyone always likes you. But I want to encourage you to not place so much importance on what others think. Seek the approval of God and not man. Focus on God and who He wants you to be and you will find contentment. Focusing on yourself with the desire to gain approval of others will never bring you peace. How do you teach a teenage girl that God is enough? That when others let you down (and they will) that He is still there beckoning you to come to Him.
I want to tell you to be in God's Word. It is how God talks to you. I know that you go to church, youth group, Sunday School, a Christian School and that we can all trick ourselves into thinking that we've got the spiritual side of things covered through all of that. But I know from experience that until I am personally reading the Bible and hearing from God about his promises and desires for ME, I feel disconnected. His word is our source of HOPE, peace, joy and comfort. I know you are busy, but this is one of those things I pray you learn to prioritize now. It doesn't have to take long. I believe it is THAT important.
I want to tell you that I get it...I get it that friends and boys and fun and sports and a social life are high on your priority list right now...and I pray that you do thoroughly enjoy these times. In many ways, they are the times of your life. But I also know that you will face temptations and peer pressure and that knowing who you are and what you stand for and sticking to it will gain you respect and will protect you in the long run.
I want to tell you that loving others the way God does will bring you happiness. This is not always easy. Especially when you've been hurt. But harboring a grudge, being jealous, being judgmental, holding onto unforgiveness...all of these things burden our soul. They steal our joy. Fight against them with the power of the Holy Spirit. And when we learn to think of others first, shifting our eyes off ourselves, our whole perspective shifts and all the little stuff we get worked up about isn't so important anymore.
I want to tell you that you are NEVER alone. First, Dad and I will always have your back, but more importantly, you have a heavenly Father that loves you even more than us. (Hard for me to imagine, but He does!) Claim that love. Live in that love. Give thanks for that love. He will never let you go. He has an amazing plan and purpose for your life. Trust Him and follow Him. He will not disappoint you.
There are so many things I want you to learn from my words, and especially from God's words. Things I don't want you to have to learn by experience. I pray for you so much! And this being a mom thing...it could wear me down with worry...all the "what ifs"...but I daily make a choice to follow my own advice and rely on the power of God and give you over to Him. I trust Him completely and pray that you do so as well.
There is so much more I could say...I've never been known to have a shortage of words, as you well know from my MANY lectures, but I will stop now. I look forward to the future and watching you grow into the beautiful woman God intends you to be.
I love you with all my heart,
Mom
It was cloudy and gloomy as we left our second floor flat very early on that April Fools Day morning. You were still nestled securely within me, but they said it was time for you to come out...my blood pressure was too high. So we set off for the downtown Chicago hospital...dad and I, not knowing what to expect...not fully comprehending how much you would rock our world and our hearts. They started the medicine to induce my labor around 8am and then you didn't wait long...by noon you emerged into this world. And we were instantly in love!
How is it that the minute we looked at you, this fierce, overwhelming love engulfed us? You were ours. We were yours. Forever...
I remember driving home from the hospital down Lakeshore Drive. I didn't dare leave you in the backseat by yourself, or maybe it was that I just didn't want to take my eyes off of you...I loved you so much. So I sat next to you in the back holding your little fingers, while dad drove us home. I was in awe. You were so new, so beautiful, such a bright shining light in our lives. God had truly given us a gift. Because more than being ours, you are God's. He knew you first, He loved you first and in his infinite wisdom he gave you to us. I thank him daily for the gift of you.
As I think of the 3 years that you have left under our roof before you go off to college, I have so many things I want to say to you.
I want to tell you that I love being your mom! You are one of my favorite people in the world. In these, your teenage years where we could be constantly at odds, for the most part, I think we get along. I think we "get" each other. I love how we can just have fun and banter back and forth. You make me laugh with your goofy and sporadic humor. I am thankful that you don't take yourself too seriously and yet take seriously what's important.
I want to tell you how glad I am that you talk to me and that I will ALWAYS be here to listen. Thank you for allowing me in so that together we can work through the drama-filled times in life. This freshman year hasn't necessarily been easy...a lot of growing and figuring out who you are. I didn't realize just how much I would personally feel every hurt you felt, every frustration you dealt with. I didn't realize how much I would want to step in and fix it all, knowing that I can't, knowing that some things you have to figure out on your own. And while you haven't always made perfect decisions or reacted in the perfect way...(neither have I!!!), you've been trying. You want to do it right.
I want to tell you that you can't do it right on your own, but the great thing is you don't have to. Left to our own power we could do nothing good, but God sent us the power of the Holy Spirit. Philippians 2:13 "for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose." Remember that...Know that God's power is at work in YOU, helping you...because we can't do this on our own.
I want to tell you that I'm learning too...learning how to balance this role of mother and friend. How to set guidelines and restrictions...how to hold you to high standards that maybe you don't want to hear...and yet truly be your confidant as well...someone you know you can trust to hear your side. I know I haven't done this perfectly. So I ask for a little grace...grace which I extend to you as well.
I want to tell you that I understand your struggle with wanting to please everyone and make sure everyone always likes you. But I want to encourage you to not place so much importance on what others think. Seek the approval of God and not man. Focus on God and who He wants you to be and you will find contentment. Focusing on yourself with the desire to gain approval of others will never bring you peace. How do you teach a teenage girl that God is enough? That when others let you down (and they will) that He is still there beckoning you to come to Him.
I want to tell you to be in God's Word. It is how God talks to you. I know that you go to church, youth group, Sunday School, a Christian School and that we can all trick ourselves into thinking that we've got the spiritual side of things covered through all of that. But I know from experience that until I am personally reading the Bible and hearing from God about his promises and desires for ME, I feel disconnected. His word is our source of HOPE, peace, joy and comfort. I know you are busy, but this is one of those things I pray you learn to prioritize now. It doesn't have to take long. I believe it is THAT important.
I want to tell you that I get it...I get it that friends and boys and fun and sports and a social life are high on your priority list right now...and I pray that you do thoroughly enjoy these times. In many ways, they are the times of your life. But I also know that you will face temptations and peer pressure and that knowing who you are and what you stand for and sticking to it will gain you respect and will protect you in the long run.
I want to tell you that loving others the way God does will bring you happiness. This is not always easy. Especially when you've been hurt. But harboring a grudge, being jealous, being judgmental, holding onto unforgiveness...all of these things burden our soul. They steal our joy. Fight against them with the power of the Holy Spirit. And when we learn to think of others first, shifting our eyes off ourselves, our whole perspective shifts and all the little stuff we get worked up about isn't so important anymore.
I want to tell you that you are NEVER alone. First, Dad and I will always have your back, but more importantly, you have a heavenly Father that loves you even more than us. (Hard for me to imagine, but He does!) Claim that love. Live in that love. Give thanks for that love. He will never let you go. He has an amazing plan and purpose for your life. Trust Him and follow Him. He will not disappoint you.
There are so many things I want you to learn from my words, and especially from God's words. Things I don't want you to have to learn by experience. I pray for you so much! And this being a mom thing...it could wear me down with worry...all the "what ifs"...but I daily make a choice to follow my own advice and rely on the power of God and give you over to Him. I trust Him completely and pray that you do so as well.
There is so much more I could say...I've never been known to have a shortage of words, as you well know from my MANY lectures, but I will stop now. I look forward to the future and watching you grow into the beautiful woman God intends you to be.
I love you with all my heart,
Mom
