A Letter to my 15-year-old Daughter On Her Birthday

Dearest Paige,

It was cloudy and gloomy as we left our second floor flat very early on that April Fools Day morning.  You were still nestled securely within me, but they said it was time for you to come out...my blood pressure was too high.   So we set off for the downtown Chicago hospital...dad and I, not knowing what to expect...not fully comprehending how much you would rock our world and our hearts.  They started the medicine to induce my labor around 8am and then you didn't wait long...by noon you emerged into this world.  And we were instantly in love!

How is it that the minute we looked at you, this fierce, overwhelming love engulfed us?  You were ours. We were yours.  Forever...

I remember driving home from the hospital down Lakeshore Drive.  I didn't dare leave you in the backseat by yourself, or maybe it was that I just didn't want to take my eyes off of you...I loved you so much.  So I sat next to you in the back holding your little fingers, while dad drove us home.  I was in awe. You were so new, so beautiful, such a bright shining light in our lives.  God had truly given us a gift.  Because more than being ours, you are God's.  He knew you first, He loved you first and in his infinite wisdom he gave you to us. I thank him daily for the gift of you.

And now you are 15. (I tear up just typing that).  Our time is fleeting by.  And I want you to know that you are still that beautiful bright light in our lives.  Bringing us so much joy and love.  Through the years you have challenged me and amazed me, frustrated me and melted my heart.

As I think of the 3 years that you have left under our roof before you go off to college, I have so many things I want to say to you.

I want to tell you that I love being your mom!  You are one of my favorite people in the world.  In these, your teenage years where we could be constantly at odds, for the most part, I think we get along.  I think we "get" each other. I love how we can just have fun and banter back and forth.  You make me laugh with your goofy and sporadic humor.  I am thankful that you don't take yourself too seriously and yet take seriously what's important.

I want to tell you how glad I am that you talk to me and that I will ALWAYS be here to listen.  Thank you for allowing me in so that  together we can work through the drama-filled times in life.  This freshman year hasn't necessarily been easy...a lot of growing and figuring out who you are.  I didn't realize just how much I would personally feel every hurt you felt, every frustration you dealt with.  I didn't realize how much I would want to step in and fix it all, knowing that I can't, knowing that some things you have to figure out on your own.  And while you haven't always made perfect decisions or reacted in the perfect way...(neither have I!!!), you've been trying.  You want to do it right.

I want to tell you that you can't do it right on your own, but the great thing is you don't have to.  Left to our own power we could do nothing good, but God sent us the power of the Holy Spirit.  Philippians 2:13 "for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose."  Remember that...Know that God's power is at work in YOU, helping you...because we can't do this on our own.

I want to tell you that I'm learning too...learning how to balance this role of mother and friend.  How to set guidelines and restrictions...how to hold you to high standards that maybe you don't want to hear...and yet truly be your confidant as well...someone you know you can trust to hear your side.   I know I haven't done this perfectly.  So I ask for a little grace...grace which I extend to you as well.

I want to tell you that I understand your struggle with wanting to please everyone and make sure everyone always likes you.  But I want to encourage you to not place so much importance on what others think.  Seek the approval of God and not man.  Focus on God and who He wants you to be and you will find contentment.  Focusing on yourself with the desire to gain approval of others will never bring you peace.  How do you teach a teenage girl that God is enough?  That when others let you down (and they will) that He is still there beckoning you to come to Him.

I want to tell you to be in God's Word.  It is how God talks to you. I know that you go to church, youth group, Sunday School, a Christian School and that we can all trick ourselves into thinking that we've got the spiritual side of things covered through all of that.  But I know from experience that until I am personally reading the Bible and hearing from God about his promises and desires for ME, I feel disconnected.  His word is our source of HOPE, peace, joy and comfort.  I know you are busy, but this is one of those things I pray you learn to prioritize now.  It doesn't have to take long.  I believe it is THAT important.

I want to tell you that I get it...I get it that friends and boys and fun and sports and a social life are high on your priority list right now...and I pray that you do thoroughly enjoy these times.  In many ways, they are the times of your life.  But I also know that you will face temptations and peer pressure and that knowing who you are and what you stand for and sticking to it will gain you respect and will protect you in the long run.

I want to tell you that loving others the way God does will bring you happiness.  This is not always easy.  Especially when you've been hurt.  But harboring a grudge, being jealous, being judgmental, holding onto unforgiveness...all of these things burden our soul.  They steal our joy.  Fight against them with the power of the Holy Spirit.  And when we learn to think of others first, shifting our eyes off ourselves, our whole perspective shifts and all the little stuff we get worked up about isn't so important anymore.

I want to tell you that you are NEVER alone.  First, Dad and I will always have your back, but more importantly, you have a heavenly Father that loves you even more than us. (Hard for me to imagine, but He does!) Claim that love.  Live in that love.  Give thanks for that love.  He will never let you go.  He has an amazing plan and purpose for your life.  Trust Him and follow Him.  He will not disappoint you.

There are so many things I want you to learn from my words, and especially from God's words.  Things I don't want you to have to learn by experience.  I pray for you so much!  And this being a mom thing...it could wear me down with worry...all the "what ifs"...but I daily make a choice to follow my own advice and rely on the power of God and give you over to Him.  I trust Him completely and pray that you do so as well.

There is so much more I could say...I've never been known to have a shortage of words, as you well know from my MANY lectures, but I will stop now.  I look forward to the future and watching you grow into the beautiful woman God intends you to be.

I love you with all my heart,

Mom

Love Verse 18 - Imitate God

Be imitators of  God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

Ephesians 5:1-2

Love Verse 17 - The GREATEST of these

If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.  If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.  If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love.  But the greatest of these is love.

1 Corinthians 13:1-3, 13

A bright spot of red in my tree!  So beautiful!

Love Verse 16 - What it Means to Know Me

"He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well.  Is that not what it means to know me?" declares the Lord.

Jeremiah 22:16

Love Verse 15 - Devoted

Love must be sincere.   Hate was is evil; cling to what is good.  Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.

Romans 12:9-10

Love Verse 14 - Mercy

Be merciful, just as your father is merciful.

Luke 6:36

Love Verse 13 - Harmony

Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another, be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble.  Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because of this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.

1 Peter 3: 8-9

Love Verse 12 - True Fasting

Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke? Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter - when you see the naked, to clothe him, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?  Then your light will break forth like the dawn.

Isaiah 58:6-8

Love Verse 11 - Building Up

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs that it may benefit all who listen.

Ephesians 4:29

Beautiful glistening dew drops in the gloomy, foggy January day.

Love Verse 10 - God's Definition

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  ⁸ Love never fails.

1 Corinithians 13:4-8

Kindness has converted more people than zeal, science, or eloquence…The world is lost for want of sweetness and kindness. -- Mother Theresa

Love Verse 9 - Share With Those In Need

If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him.  How can the love of God be in him?

1 John 3:17

Winter Sunflowers

Love Verse 8 - EVERYTHING

Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong.  Do everything in love.

1 Corinthians 16:13-14

Love Verse 7 - Even your Enemies

You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven.  He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.  If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that?  And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others?  Do not even pagans do that?

Matthew 5: 43-47

Love Verse 6 - Bind it Around your Neck

Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart.  Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man.

Proverbs 3:3-4

Winter Walk along the Big Sioux River

Love Verse 5 - Above All

Above all LOVE each other deeply because love covers over a multitude of sins.

1 Peter 4:8

Love Verse 4 - Why Love?

We love because he first loved us.

1 John 4:19

Love Verse 3 - Others First

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit but in humility consider others better than yourselves.  Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also the interests of others.

Philippians 2:3-4

One way God reveals His love for us is through the majesty of His creation  which  He has given to us to  delight in. So as I think of loving others, He reminds me of His love for me.  So I am including sunrise pictures from each day I post.

Love Verse 2 - The Only Thing

The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love.

Galatians 5:6b

One Word - LOVE

At the start of this new year, I was challenged to pick "Just One Word".  A word that will give the year focus.  This "one word" idea made sense to me.  In the stressed out, distracted world we live in, it is hard to stick to or even remember my resolutions...but hopefully I can remember and come back to ONE WORD.

So I put a bit a pressure on myself to chose a creative, out-of-the-ordinary word.  Something new and thought-provoking.  But God just kept planting the word "LOVE" into my mind.  A simple, over-used word.  But yet....not simple at all.

What does it really look like to LOVE WELL...to LOVE MORE...to LOVE BETTER.  How am I loving God?  Am I fully loving my family, my friends, my neighbors, my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ?  Am I showing love to strangers, to those who annoy me, to those who I believe are wrong, to those who have wronged me, to my enemies?  Is LOVE the first filter through which I react to those around me?

But yet -- that's the root of the entire Christian life, is it not?  Do others "know I am Christian by my love"?

So in my efforts to LOVE FIRST this year, I plan to type out different Bible verses every day (or, more realistically, on a semi-regular basis) on my blog that talk about LOVE.  Verses that will keep my heart convicted about how God calls us to love.  I wonder what this world would look like if Christians truly LOVED others before all else?

I love this quote from Mother Teresa..."If you judge people, you have no time to love them."

So I start with the first and greatest commandment and the second which is like it...

First Love Verse for 2013

Matthew 22: 36-40

³⁶ “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”

³⁷ Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ ³⁸ This is the first and greatest commandment. ³⁹ And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ ⁴⁰ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”